: Jan 30, 2018

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Often what happens when people first get married, is that one spouse suppresses who they really are, to try to fit the mold the other spouse has for them. This spouse mutes their own voice in hopes of pleasing the other person. Ironically, the other person still won’t be pleased. The way out of this trap, that some couples never escape, has 2 parts:
1. The spouse who suppressed what they really are-their feelings, needs and opinions-must find value in their authentic selves without need for validation. Value yourself, detached from the *need* for approval from the other person. This is key. Once you really do this, you will be able to express that voice (feelings, needs, opinions) without fear of being rejected or deemed unworthy and inadequate. Only when *you* find and value your own voice, will others value it also. If *you* don’t value you, others won’t either.

2. The spouse with the ‘mold’ needs to enable this opening by creating a safe and supportive space for their spouse to open up and express themselves. You may even complain that your spouse doesn’t open up and express themselves–but you haven’t created a safe space for them either. Throw away your mold and learn to value the uniqueness in your spouse. Help them develop the courage to express the beauty of the voice they already have inside them. Stop trying to mold them into what you think they should be, and make it safe for them to flourish into the beauty of what they already are.



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